cute eyes, nice body, what more could you ask for???

So there's this boy I see at L.A. fitness everyday that I find very attractive. He's got such cute, puppy eyes and a very, very, very nice body. I think we have this mutual thing of looking at each other's direction, looking at each other for a sec and then turning away once the other person looks. It's driving me crazy. I'm not too much into this whole go-up-to-a-stranger-and-say-hi thing but I've been dying to know his name every since I've started recognizing him. I don't know why he became so apparent to me just recently, I think he's been going there for quite a bit now although, I don't recall seeing him last year. I don't really have any intention on dating him or anything of that sort but it would be nice to have someone to say hi to at the gym so I don't go walking around like an idiot when I don't have anything to do or if I'm waiting for someone get off a machine. Part of me wishes though, that I was this bold and fearless girl that could just knock the socks off any guy and just go up to them and say hi but then the other part of me just wants to sort of stay quiet until the guy does something. I just want a cute guy friend at the gym!!! [HAHA.] Hey...maybe I can bring him to church sometime if we get closer in our relationship...ooooo...now that's an idea. :]

There's several things that I realized I need to experience more of. One is definitely finding friends outside of this Korean/Asian community. I'm in no way racist but I do find myself, either because of culture or because of conformity, that I tend to gravitate towards Asian people more. It's funny because I'm the one that says I want to experience different cultures and get to meet different people and here I am spending time with people that are of the same ethnicity as me. Well, maybe the guy at L.A. fitness can be a start. I mean, I do have non-Asian friends, but I don't have many and so I would very much like to expand my relationships with those people and get to know other new people as well. This is so overwhelming though because although I may seem social on the outside, I'm so shy on the inside so it'll take a while for people to know me although I somehow end up knowing everything about them so quickly. I really need to push myself out there to be doing something like this. God give me strength!

The other thing is, not so much something I want to experience [I'll explain] but I've been having thoughts about. So ever since I've seen this guy around at the gym, it got me thinking about dating/marrying non-Asian guys. It got me started on all the pros and cons of dating someone that is just totally culturally different from me. Oh, forgot to mention that this is all basing off the fact that whoever this non-Asian dude is already a christian with a strong faith. So anyways, first off, I don't know how my parents would take it. I mean, who I marry is who I marry, they can't tell me who to love and who to pair up with but I would definitely understand if they found it hard to reach out to him or communicate with him because well, my parents are fobs and he's an American. It'd be cool if he could learn Korean so that I would be able to communicate with him some what and him with my parents. Second is the FOOD. I still have to learn how to cook/make a lot of the foods but I don't even know if he'll like them or get used to them. I'm Asian for goodness sakes, I can't live without my rice. Third = child rearing. This may sound stupid or just absurd coming from a 20 year old but I really think that if I had a non-Asian husband, we would have arguments on how to raise our children. Many Asian families rear their children as they grow up and this is just a norm. Don't get me wrong now, when I say rearing, I mean just a spank or two [unless they're being straight up rebels]. It's not like the child abuse stuff you hear on TV or read in the papers. Now that shit is crazy I tell ya. American families, or "white" families [I feel bad using that term], rarely ever rear their children. I have yet to hear a family that has done so. It just...doesn't happen. That's fine that they do that but I'm definitely going to have to bring out that whooping stick on my kids if I see they're being disrespectful. That's another thing to - respect. Respect is such a big part of the Asian culture. I don't see at such a big aspect in the American culture. It's there but it's not as enforced I feel like as is in the Asian culture. Man, I'm going on forever. I need to get to bed.

On a side note: I really need to pray more. I just finished up reading the book of John for my morning QT's an they have been very, very good. Only thing is I don't really get to pray since I don't have much time in the mornings. Prayer is such an important part of the Christian life. I've probably said this many, many times before but it really is true. People who don't pray a lot will say it's whatever because they don't "see" things changing but who ever does instantly? It's all in God's timing and He works for the good of those who love Him.

Anyways, to wrap things up, I guess I've pretty much come down to the conclusion that I need more strength and confidence in Him...and prayer. Well, strength and confidence in Him through prayer. There we go. Ok, my eyes are half-closing. Goodnight!