Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time.
I just kept on pushing it back and back and then eventually just forgot about it. Oops.
Hmm, these days have been a bit of a journey for me.
I'm struggling to find the balance between realities and dreams.
I don't know, I feel like I've been slacking off in a lot of things too and I feel like, for whatever reason, I just can't get back on my feet.
I want to move on and do the things that I want and I want to be able to get back up on my feet and start walking again.
I feel a bit lost to be quite honest. I don't really know what I want to do with my life, nor do I really know why I'm stuck in this rut.
But then again, we'll never know the answers to all our questions and sometimes it's just better not knowing, right?
I guess I'm just being a big worry-wart making a big deal out of something that could be absolutely menial.
Bleh, I don't know.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
struggling
Maybe I'm being too stubborn and prideful.
Maybe I'm being bitter towards God.
Maybe I'm not being willing enough to let God take control of everything again.
I'm scared of what I've become/will become.
It's hard for me to see the end of it all.
It's hard for me to feel motivated to do anything anymore.
I know God has a hold of me but my hands have been letting for a while now…
…I want to be able to hold onto His hands firmly again, with assurance.
I want out on this.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
sinking in
Feeling the pangs of reality sink in and I am not liking it one bit.
School has become such a bore, no joke.
...I just don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Nothing's motivating me.
Am I just not getting it?
School has become such a bore, no joke.
...I just don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Nothing's motivating me.
Am I just not getting it?
new model obsession
name: chanel iman robinson
age: 19
She's named after Coco Chanel and the supermodel Iman and she's part korean! Her mom is half-korean, half-black, which is so uber cool.
Gorgeous. Very gorgeous indeed.
Chanel with her mommy. :]
Monday, March 9, 2009
currently reading: "disciplines of a Godly woman"
So, these days, it's been a bit rough just because I've been slacking off with a lot of things, especially my efforts to keep in touch with God. I'm just feeling really lost and I don't know, I just want to get out of this mess.
Anyways, I'm currently reading "Disciplines of a Godly Woman" written by Barbara Hughes and it's been helping me open my mind and eyes to a lot good points and views. It's definitely going to hard at times [like it is now] but I really want to live a life that's fulfilling to God. I know what I say and what I do sometimes don't really match up to what I say at times like this, but what can I say really? I'm human. I'm prone to fall and wander away and God knows that too but it's through those falls and failures that I get up and learn.
It's still a struggle for me to see that a big stupid failure like me can still be loved by someone so forgiving and gracious. It kind of brought me to tears reading some of what Barbara Hughes had written in her book because it touched on a lot of what's been going on with me personally.
I'm trying hard to change my lifestyle and get back on track. It's going to be a bumpy ride, and I'm going to fail...A LOT, no doubt about that but I willing to go on this ride no matter what because I know in the end, it's all going to be worth it.
For all the ladies out there who are interested, I would definitely recommend getting this book. I would say it's definitely worth taking a look at.
"Godliness with contentment"
Anyways, I'm currently reading "Disciplines of a Godly Woman" written by Barbara Hughes and it's been helping me open my mind and eyes to a lot good points and views. It's definitely going to hard at times [like it is now] but I really want to live a life that's fulfilling to God. I know what I say and what I do sometimes don't really match up to what I say at times like this, but what can I say really? I'm human. I'm prone to fall and wander away and God knows that too but it's through those falls and failures that I get up and learn.
It's still a struggle for me to see that a big stupid failure like me can still be loved by someone so forgiving and gracious. It kind of brought me to tears reading some of what Barbara Hughes had written in her book because it touched on a lot of what's been going on with me personally.
I'm trying hard to change my lifestyle and get back on track. It's going to be a bumpy ride, and I'm going to fail...A LOT, no doubt about that but I willing to go on this ride no matter what because I know in the end, it's all going to be worth it.
For all the ladies out there who are interested, I would definitely recommend getting this book. I would say it's definitely worth taking a look at.
"Godliness with contentment"
Thursday, March 5, 2009
make up
Make up can be so bothersome but I love it.
Wait...did I just say that?
........
Oh dear, what has become of me? o_O;;
Wait...did I just say that?
........
Oh dear, what has become of me? o_O;;
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
always, always
Why do I always have to be the first one to say, "I'm sorry"?
Why do I always have to be the one to say, "Can you forgive me"?
Why do I always have to be the first one to reach out and say, "Hey, let's try and work things out"?
How come I always have to go the extra mile to patch things up?
How come everyone else gets to sit around on their asses and pretend like everything's ok?
Why does it feel like I'm always getting hurt the most out of everybody?
Why do I always have to be the underdog?
Maybe I'm blinding myself to the fact that I'm putting myself in these situations, I don't know.
What I do know, is that I absolutely fucking hate it.
Why do I always have to be the one to say, "Can you forgive me"?
Why do I always have to be the first one to reach out and say, "Hey, let's try and work things out"?
How come I always have to go the extra mile to patch things up?
How come everyone else gets to sit around on their asses and pretend like everything's ok?
Why does it feel like I'm always getting hurt the most out of everybody?
Why do I always have to be the underdog?
Maybe I'm blinding myself to the fact that I'm putting myself in these situations, I don't know.
What I do know, is that I absolutely fucking hate it.
Monday, March 2, 2009
getting lost in music
I can't believe...I'm listening to Jeff Buckley.
아이고...How all very interesting this is.
아이고...How all very interesting this is.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
eating, outing, and having fun
What a weekend. Now it's back to reality.
Dear Snow,
Could you, would you, pretty please with a cherry on top, snow till forever tomorrow so that classes are canceled? Not too much that there's a ridiculous amount on the roads but just enough that I won't have to go to classes tomorrow and just enough that I'll still be able to go to the gym because I seriously need to start up my exercising again. Oh oh and just enough...or actually a lot to cover the rock salt that's going to keep on getting sprayed. Thank you very much.
Yours truly,
Sat
Dear Snow,
Could you, would you, pretty please with a cherry on top, snow till forever tomorrow so that classes are canceled? Not too much that there's a ridiculous amount on the roads but just enough that I won't have to go to classes tomorrow and just enough that I'll still be able to go to the gym because I seriously need to start up my exercising again. Oh oh and just enough...or actually a lot to cover the rock salt that's going to keep on getting sprayed. Thank you very much.
Yours truly,
Sat
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