he is Yours

He is willing to share!!! My goodness, something I've been praying about and looking for in a guy...he wants to share everything that's happened to him, the things he sees changing, I don't know...it seems like almost everything!!! And why, why, WHY, do I get so tongue-twisted when talking to him??? Nothing ever seems to come out the way I want to say it. NEVER. Even when it's something that I really want to share with him...every word seems to get jumbled up. I probably sound so stupid when I talk because I MAKE NO FREAKING SENSE. Even I think about what I said to him right after I say it and think of how stupid and very random and nonsensical that all sounded. WHAT THE HECK.

However...I know...that he is not mine and God, I know that you have great things planned for him and all I can do right now is pray for him and wait because right now, he is Yours...not mine. It's honestly driving me crazy...I feel though, as if he doesn't feel the same way about me like I do with him. It's probably just a one way thing...which in that case, makes me think that I should all just let this go and forget about it and save myself from future heartache.

God, this is consuming way too much of me. I'm giving it up to you because, well, there's nothing else I can do right now. I hope I'm not being to forward with myself with him.

He's so open and comfortable talking to me...how come I'm not the same to him?...

God is telling me to wait

I don't know why I feel the need to post this up but I will.

In one of my previous posts, I was rambling on about the guy from Texas and how I think I should say something to him about keeping this relationship pure, blah, blah, blah...if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can go back and read it haha. It was called "things happen for a reason". Like I've said before, I've been praying about and waiting for an answer for this current situation/relationship I have with this guy [we're just friends right now] and it's weird because I feel like God answered my prayers through a book that I'm reading called "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot. The book pretty much revolves around how to keep a pure dating relationship and it gives the ups and downs of trying to keep a healthy relationship through the eyes of Elizabeth Elliot [I'm just reading it for future reference]. In the book was a paragraph that stood out to me. This is what it said:

"Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all. I was dying to talk to Jim about Jim. But the things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them thoroughly over with God."

When it comes to reading God's "signs and answers", I feel like I'm kind of slow...but that one, was pretty obvious to me. It feels almost as if God said it himself. I don't know, I guess all I can do really now is just pray and wait on Him...fall "asleep" in His will as Elizabeth Elliot put it. *Sigh*



"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet or still so as to hear."
- From S.D. Gordon's Quiet Talks On Prayer

new favorite chocolate: dolfin belgian chocolate

Last week, my friend and I went up to New Hope, Pa and Lambertville, NJ [those towns are right next to each other...the only thing separating them is a small bridge] and in Lambertville, there was a small coffee shop...I kind of forget the name of it right now. Anyways, this little coffee shop is amazing! Why? Because they carry European chocolate!!!!! I absolutely love chocolate, especially European chocolate and it was there that I came across a very expensive but very good Belgian chocolate called Dolfin. This chocolate I must say has a very unique, rich, creamy taste...yum, I wish I had bought two bars now instead of one. If you can ever get your hands one on of these tasty chocolates, definitely go for it! I give it 5 stars! :D

Here's a picture of the chocolate:


There's various "flavors" and tastes. The one I got was milk chocolate with almonds. So good! :]

happy turkey day!

I will probably be posting more up later but for now...I hope everyone enjoys the time they have with their families today!

1 Chronicles 29:13
"Now, our God, we give you thanks and praise to Your glorious name."

colbie caillat is my hero

Colbie Caillat - Fallin' for You
Album: Breakthrough [2009]

freedom is not free

Just wanted to share some interesting thoughts I got from a pastor's sermon.

Yesterday, a guest speaker came in to preach for my church and his sermon title was called, "Served by Christ". There was a story that he told about a man who was rescued [a few years back?] from slavery from an organization that works to free people that are involved in human trafficking. The ex-slave told his story to this pastor and they talked and talked and he eventually made a point which helped bring together the message of the sermon, which was that slavery kills a man. I thought this was an interesting point he made because it's so true. When bonded to slavery, physically it will wear and tear a man down to his bones because unless by some great miracle, he is bonded to being a slave all his life. Spiritually, it has the same affect. When a you idolize something or prize something so much more than God, you more or less become a slave to it, whether it be pride, money, lust, greed...you get the point. Your heart then becomes so spiritually dead because it's almost as if you've been consumed by it, giving part of your heart to it each time you become more and more "lost" in it. In this case, your heart is almost a hopeless cause because it's been so caught up in the idol...but then comes Jesus and this leads me to my next point: freedom is not free. Just look at the past and the history of the world. Those that were in slavery and wanted to become free had to pay a price. That price was the lives of many men, women, children that fought to gain their freedom. It doesn't have to be just freedom from slavery, it could be freedom from anything. In the same way, for those who are Christians, the freedom you have is definitely not free. It was paid and bought at a price: the death of Jesus Christ and that, my friends, is one of the great fundamentals of the Gospel. Christ shed his blood for us so that we may experience true freedom from the things that hold us down, from the things that keep us from having that wonderful relationship with God. He came and paid that the ransom that we should have paid. He came and paid the debt that we would have had to owe as slaves: living eternally in the fiery pits of Hell. He knew that this was what He had to do because He cared for us deeply, because he wanted us to be free from our sins. His grace is far greater than any of us could ever conceive. I hope I don't sound like some pompous dictator, telling everyone to do this, do that. That is not the point of my message. I just wanted to point out the truth of Christ and what He did for us because it's amazing how so many times we say that we believe and we understand the depth of Christ and His love for us, but...honestly, do we really? We say that we will go anywhere and everywhere that Christ leads but when He actually calls us to do so, so many of us turn away and say, "No God, this is not what was planned." When was it ever for us though? I'm not pointing fingers because I'm as guilty as charged as any one of you guys are...

I guess I just want to challenge those that are struggling with whatever problems that you may have in your lives and take the time to really understand what it means to be free. This life is definitely not going to be an easy one but God is with us, every step and He will be with us every step until we have reached our finish lines. Let's encourage each other and those around us to continue that walk with God, no matter what comes our way. Christ loves us dearly and has proven that on the Cross so let's turn it around and show the world that through the Gospel, others can have the choice to no longer live as slaves, brought down by the heavyweight of their burdens. Through the blood of Christ, they too can have a new chance and a new life.

the weekend is finally here...sort of

It's actually pretty late right now. I don't know why I'm still up when I should be sleeping. It's finally Friday and that means it's finally the weekend! Well, it's 12 in the morning but it's still Friday so I'm happy. :]

I wish I was fluent in another language besides Korean and English so I could just bust it out on this blog and type away. Maybe I'll type up a Christmas wish list while I'm up. I must be crazy. Hmm, I do seem to have been a little off these days, according to some of my friends. Maybe it's because I've been listening to a lot of Hillsong lately...or just christian music in general. Would that have anything to do with it though? Eh, I don't know.

Ok, I should really get to bed. Gotta wake up early for classes tomorrow. Just felt like blogging so I could just let some steam out. Alrighty, goodnight world!

we the redeemed

Hillsong - We the Redeemed
Album: Faith+Hope+Love



Verse 1:
There is nothing like Your love
No exchange for all You gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know the love it takes

Verse 2:
Now forever to be loved
To walk with You for all my days
There’s no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way

Pre-Chorus:
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King
Our hope is in You
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King

Chorus:
Singing, glorious, glorious One, You have saved us
Honor and power and praise to the Savior.
You are the Answer
You are the Answer

Verse 3:
You come with power come with fire
As we lift Your name on high
And join with all the saints to sing
In bringing Honor to the King.

Bridge:
We the redeemed
Hear us singing
You are Holy
You are Holy

God, amidst my struggles and my fears, You still are tried and true. Your love is far greater than anything on thing on this earth.

lost in wonder

A song that my bible study group sang during worship time.

Lost in Wonder

You chose the cross with every breath
The perfect life, the perfect death
You chose the cross
A crown of thorns You wore for us
And crowned us with eternal life
You chose the cross

And though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death You overcame

I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus' unfailing love
I am forgiven
I am restored

You loosed the cords of sinfulness
And broke the chains of my disgrace
You chose the cross
Up from the grave victorious
You rose again so glorious
You chose the cross

The sorrow that surrounded You was mine
"Yet, not My will but Yours be done," You cried

Because of Jesus, because of Jesus, because of Jesus
I am restored

I am a sinner in need of forgiveness and grace and Jesus gave that to me, fully paid on the cross. Yet, I still continue to let Him down everyday, in some way shape or form but He is still willing to take me back into His loving arms like a father embraces his children.

God, I need You more than ever in my life.

things happen for a reason

I was on the phone yesterday with a friend of mine who I met at a college conference a year ago. I think I've mentioned him before in my previous posts...maybe not outright but discreetly I know I have. It's surprising to think that even after a year, we've still kept in touch...which I find extremely strange since in all my previous experiences with trying to keep in touch with my retreat friends...I completely failed. Either way, there's been a lot about him that I've been thinking about lately. That probably sounds really weird and I'll do my best to try and explain.

I've brought it up with him numerous times that I found it strange that we still talked, considering the fact that we live absolutely no where near each other [he lives in Texas, I in Pennsylvania] and we act and talk as though we do. I guess before he never really thought of it as much, he just saw it as another opportunity to meet a new friend? Just yesterday though, he was sharing how he started beginning to realize just how strange our relationship was, in the sense that we talk as if we've been friends for a while now when we don't see each other at all. It got me thinking about something that my pastor mentioned a few weeks back, during one of our college bible studies. He was saying how God places certain people, certain events in your life for a reason, which I totally agree to. My question is, why has God placed this...dude...that I don't even see ever in my life and why have we still kept in touch???

The college conference, called One in Love [O.I.L. for short], is held once a year in my state in Montrose, PA. I had a very blessed time there last year and so decided that I would go again this year. My pastor, a month or so back had asked if I would be able to lead a certain role during on my church's joint retreats. I told him I'd pray about it first and let him know later on. On the one hand, I wanted to help out with retreat and be a part of it but on the other hand, I really wanted to go back to O.I.L. I guess that's when I started really evaluating why I wanted to go back to O.I.L. instead of going to help out at the retreat. Even though initially it wasn't my reason to go back, I felt as though having this relationship with my friend was sort of a drive for me to go back to O.I.L. so that I could see him again and that to me...was a big iffy. As much as I wanted to see him again, if I did go, I didn't want either of us to be a hinderance for each other during the conference. Ugh, even now, although I have decided to go, I'm still trying to be really cautious with what I say to him when I talk. God, I honestly don't know what to do with this whole...I don't even know what to call it.

Anyways, so yesterday while we were talking, I decided that maybe I should more clearly define our relationship? As in, just say that because this is a very strange relationship indeed, we need to be more cautious about how we act and what we say with each other. I didn't mention it to him yet but if the chance comes, I think will. I really, should be praying about this more.

This is all so new to me. I don't think I've ever cared so much about a guy's sprititual relationship than this and considering that I have many guy friends, I don't know, it just seems all so weird. I'm trying not to think about it so much and just give it up to God right now because I feel like, there are more important things to deal with at hand...although, this seems pretty important too...heh. I just really hope that if we do grow closer, that we'll both have this relationship Gospel centered and really push each other towards God. I really want him to grow more in Christ and I hope he'll wish the same for me and encourage me to do so [which I guess is something that we've been doing eversince we started talking but I mean MORE than...what...we've been doing? What am I even saying???]. I also really want this relationship to be pure and not misleading in any way. I don't us to hype it up to something that it isn't because it's only going to hurt us in the long run. I don't know. Prayer and scripture is what I need right now...as well as guidance from other people.


"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus"

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the Light of His glory and grace

an interesting thought

So yesterday night was my college group's weekly bible study get together at my pastor's house. We were going over the last chapter of The Prodigal God by Tim Keller [very interesting book!] and there was a quote from the book that I thought I'd like to share because it really stood out [??]. So for those that don't know, Tim Keller is a very widely known pastor who leads Redeemer [a church] up in New York and this excerpt from the book deals with a woman he met several years ago at his church. The excerpt explains just how well this woman understood the Gospel and...well, you can read for yourself:

"Some years ago, I met a woman who began coming to Redeemer, the church where I am a minister. She said that she had gone to a church growing up and she had always heard that God accepts us only if we are sufficiently good and ethical. She had never heard the message she was now hearing, that we can be accepted by God by sheer grace through the work of Christ regardless of anything we do or have done. She said, "That is a scary idea! Oh, it's good scary, but still scary."

I was intrigued. I asked her what was so scary about unmerited free grace? She replied something like this: "If I were saved by my good works - then there would be a limit to what God could ask of me or put me through. I would be like a taxpayer with rights. I would have done my duty and now I would deserve a certain quality of life. But if it is really true that I am a sinner saved be sheer grace - at God's infinite cost - then there's nothing he cannot ask of me." She could immediately see that the wonderful-beyond-belief teaching of salvation by sheer grace had two edges to it. On the one hand it cut away slavish fear. God loves us freely, despite our flaws and failures. Yet she also knew that if Jesus really had done this for her - she was not her own. She was bought with a price."

If only it were to come that easy to me. Well, no, I understand it. Now I just need to be reminded of it every, single, freaking moment.

where is the pause button?!

So...I've been thinking lately...that time...seriously needs a pause button. I think I've mentioned something like this before in my previous posts but it was so true when all the upperclassmen said that time was going to fly by quicker as you start to progress in your college life. It's so hard to believe that I'm already a junior! Well actually, that part doesn't seem to strike me that hard...probably because I'm going to be staying in college for a year or two more after the year I'm supposed to be graduating [does that make sense?]. Anyways, wow, I don't really know how to comprehend it at all. I guess all I can do for now is just take it day by day...moment...by moment?

I think what makes it even more...scarier is the fact that everyone's seems to be giving me the "start looking for that one" talk. Personally, I would love to but I feel so freaked out. I mean, I know they probably don't mean it should be my top priority because I'm still a student but it should be something that I start bring to attention a bit more than I have been before. I will say I definitely am praying about it but I think right now, God is telling me to focus more on further building the relationships I already have with my friends and family. I also know and think that finding that "one" comes at a different time for everyone so I'm not worried...as long as I marry somewhat early...haha. Although, there has been someone that I have been praying on and off about but I think...I'm going to keep this one wrapped up until I'm for sure about it.

Oh, and forgot to mention that I'm turning 21 real soon. Like, real soon. Like, I'm-going-to-freak-out-because-I'm-turning-21 soon. Oh. My. God.

On a lighter note, the holidays are coming up and I'm mucho excited!!! The other day, I was walking at the park with a close friend of mine and the topic of the upcoming holidays came up. I told her how I was really, really excited for it...even more so than previous years it seems like. I told her how things that I normally do not like about the holidays like eggnog [excuse me for those who love eggnog, I tried it once and I must say, I did not like it at all] get me so pumped for christmas and the new year. The warm, fuzzy, happy feeling you get from the holidays is also my drive for being so excited for the holidays...although, I thought you're normally supposed to feel this way during the holidays...not weeks before it. I'm so excited about it that I don't know what to do with myself...HAHA. I'm so weird. My friend said that it sounds like I have the holiday fever. I don't know what it is, maybe God's planning to do something radical in my life the next few months haha. Who knows? I should probably get started on the Christmas shopping as well as the card writing. Oh my, the food! My pastor, as well as some others at my church, have been making fun of me for it but I am so, so, so, so, SO looking forward to the food from the holidays. My mouth is starting to water even from just thinking about it haha. Yay for the holidays!