to the left, to the left

I think part of the reason why I've been having all these crazy convictions to travel and go out of my comfort zone is because I was so scared to do it. I was reading some of my old magazines that I had and there was one with an interview with Angelina Jolie. We all know her as the butt-kicking, tattoo-loving, humanitarian who loves to do totally unique things. She stated something that I found very true and her statement was that "if you don't get out of the box you've been raised in, you won't understand how much bigger the world is." I feel like for myself, I've been so Philly this, Philly that, PA this, PA that, that I failed to realize that there's so much more going on besides and outside of Philly and PA. Yeah, I've gone to New York and New Jersey but they were only for visiting and for fun. Don't get me wrong, I love PA and I especially love Philly, after all, that's where I pretty much grew up for half my life but I never put myself out there to really experience life as it is outside of my own comfort zone. I've gotten a somewhat small glimpse of it when I went to USP but even then, my home was only an hour away and I still had people around me that I knew, that would make me feel comfortable enough to know that I was still at home. Even when I went on missions, I must admit, I was babied and pampered. I mean, there were some inconveniences but overall, I stayed at a nice place, I definitely had the best food there, I had a bed to sleep on, what more could I have asked for?

However, this "conviction", desire, strong urge to completely go and step out of that comfort zone is honestly, completely new to me but at the same time, I'm excited about it. To step out of where I live and my comfort zone and to go somewhere completely new, like Texas for example, I mean, I'm up for it. I think it'll be a chance to really grow and mature in many ways. Spiritually, I think living on my own without really knowing anyone there, I'll definitely learn to depend on God A LOT more because I wouldn't be able to depend on my parents as much as I would want to or like to just because they're so far from me. Not to say that I wouldn't depend on God even my parents were there, but yeah, ya'll know what I mean. :) Just in general, I would grow more independent because I'd learn to do things on my own, get around on my own, explore on my own, be able to discern from right/wrong, etc. Till this day, I will admit, I am still very lost when it comes to taxes, banks/bank accounts, and many more.

I seriously need to grow up. I don't know, I really would like to go out and explore but there's things that are holding me back from it, especially money. I know that if it is God's will though, He will provide and I'm praying that that's the case, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm still praying and trusting in Him that He'll work out something if it is His will. And people ask me, why in the world Texas? Or even I question myself and say that I could probably experience all that in places such as New York, Massachusetts, Washington, D.C., Maryland, but I don't know, I feel like because they're physically only a couple hours away [with the exception of Mass.], that I won't get that same experience that I'm searching for in Texas or some place far. I know I want to come back to the east coast for med school so it's not like I'm leaving forever. I guess I just need a vaca from the bubble I've blown up around myself all these years. It's seriously time to make a change and whether I get accepted or not to the schools in TX [which I'm hoping I really do], I know God will still grow me. It's my part to just trust and follow like always.