busy, busy, busy

So finals are coming up soon and I am starting to get packed down with studying. Not to mention that winter break is coming up and although it's always a time for fun, merriment, family, friends and all that holiday goodness, as a broke college student, I need a job and I need my money.

It's hard to see that this past year has just flown right by me. In a few weeks, it's going to be 2009...what a scary thought. In 3 months, I'm turning 20...what an even scarier thought. No wonder when I was young, adults would say to me to treasure the moments I have when I'm younger because once you hit that certain age, time is going to fly by much quicker. It's weird because today, as I was praying, I had this weird, anxious, heavy feeling in my heart. I don't know why I suddenly felt this way. Maybe it was because of what's been going on recently with me or maybe it was just because I'm getting older and time is flying by a lot quicker and as much as I'm excited for the future, I'm nervous as to what the future might hold for me. I trust in God and I know that He has everything under control so I know I'm not nervous because I don't know what I'm doing with my life but I think it's more because as I see myself growing, maturing, whatever the case, I see myself drifting away from things I've held on to up to this point. Things from my childhood, things from just recently, things from these past few years. I guess me having this feeling could also be because I'm kind of scared of change. I mean, I guess everyone is somewhat scared of change, whether it's for better or for worse and don't get me wrong, change can be a good thing [in most cases], but I don't know, there's just something about it that I can't seem to pinpoint down.

Upperclassmen have been telling me that these few years in college are only going to fly by faster and to *momentary pause because my thoughts went blank* have fun in college. Am I having fun right now? No because I really hate the campus I'm at. It's not even a campus, it's like high school all over again. Nonetheless, I'm trying to make the most of it by spending time with family and friends that God has provided me with.

I feel like my thoughts are all over the place. I guess what I really just need right now is patience and wisdom. I know that God will direct me the way that He wants and I just need to trust and follow. As I was praying earlier, there were two songs that popped in my head and I just wanted to share with you [or whoever is taking the time to read this] what the songs were:
the first song was from Hillsong - Still and the verse that popped into my head was:
"[V2] Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust"

the second song was from Jeremy Camp - Give Me Jesus:
"[V1] In the morning when I rise (3x)
Give me Jesus
[C] Give me Jesus (2x)
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus
[V2] Oh, when I am alone (3x)
Give me Jesus
[V3] When I come to die (3x)
Give me Jesus"

I guess this was God's way of saying to depend on Him and that if I ask, He will give, if I seek, He will find for me, and if I knock, He will open a door of possibilities and plans that He as prepared just for me. Just trust and follow.

psalm 42:8 - "By day, the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life"